Firstly, I would like to say that confidence is not born within us, it is a learned behaviour. Confidence takes practice and you can and will achieve more confidence when you start realising how wonderful you already are. If you are wanting more confidence when dating, at work, or you may be wanting more confidence in general. Have a read of the below information that will start you on your way to leading a confident life.
When you realise that you are all you need, this is when you will truly start gaining confidence in every area of your life.
There are many forms of confidence, you will have noticed this when you are observing people throughout your day. I believe the most beautiful form of confidence is when you see someone that loves themselves. They are so happy in their skin, they have fun while their walking, and they look as though they are their own best friend.
This form of confidence takes self love and it does take work on yourself to reach a point of beautiful confidence. When you are confident in your skin, it is because you have reached a point in your life where you respect yourself, appreciate the miracle that you are and accept yourself completely. You are not trying to be anyone except yourself, you have nothing to prove to anyone because you know how fabulous you are.
It all sounds lovely doesn’t it? I want to teach you how to reach that place of beautiful confidence.
How To Be More Confident
Begin by loving yourself, tell yourself every moment when you are alone with your thoughts just how valuable you are. I can remember hating myself, my mind was filled with negative self talk. I was constantly putting myself down and criticising everything I did. Living in that head space did not allow me to flourish and grow, instead I kept myself limited and held back.
I started telling myself “I love and approve of you Leisa, just as you are”. I began saying this statement over and over in my mind. I would immediately revert back to my old patterns of negative self talk, however, I made a conscious effort to keep going down the path of positive talk. I can recall one morning running late for the train. I parked my car and started walking towards the train station, I heard myself say “Darling, did you get your phone out of the car?” As soon as I heard myself say that, I smiled to myself because I had finally reached the point of respecting myself. In the past I would have said “Leisa, you idiot make sure you got your phone”. There would be a couple of profanities thrown in too. Negative self talk destroys you and will cage you from who you are truly meant to be.
When your mind is filled with acceptance of yourself and a deep respect you begin a loving relationship with yourself. You start to feel safe and from this safety you grow, shape and transform into your true self. Becoming your true self builds self confidence and self esteem. You feel as though no one could possibly break you and you are never defeated.
Letting Go Of Fear
When you are ruled by fear you immediately become stuck and fear literally paralysed you. Often fear stems from a fear of being perfect and not wanting to make mistakes. When fear is removed from the mind the individual feels a sense of freedom to make mistakes. Mistakes should not be feared, they should be invited. Invite mistakes into your life, because that is when you will learn your most valuable lessons. You will learn so much about yourself and you will slowly start acknowledging that you can handle any situation that is thrown at you.
I was riddled with fear and to be honest, I still have some elements of my life that have pockets of fear. To overcome this fear I began saying the affirmation “I can handle any situation”. When I started saying this affirmation I developed a sense of peace and a HUGE dose of confidence. Do you know how invigortaing it feels to walk around in life knowing that you can handle any situation?! It is life changing. You will feel control in your life when you begin repeating and believing this statement – “I can handle any situation”.
I love saying to myself “Look your fear in the eye and laugh at it”. Your fear may be a fear of your boss not liking your work. I’m not saying to laugh at your boss in the face, however, whenever that comes to mind, simply look the fear in the eye and laugh. This allows you to remember that it is only in your mind and you will not be ruled by this. Laughing at your fear gives you a sense of control and reminds you that your handling every situation that is thrown at you. You are declaring “I will not be ruled by fear”.
So much of our fears are made up in our minds, so when you stop scaring yourself these fears will diminish. What I mean by scaring yourself is this, we can go through life coming up with the worst case scenarios for most things. When you reflect back on all the worst case scenarios you ever imagined you realise that they did not come to fruition. Rarely does your worst case scenario ever unfold so control those thoughts when they enter into your mind. Love yourself and fill your mind with lovely things that encourage you to be your best.
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
– Nelson Mandela
Giving yourself regular challenges and goals to accomplish is a great way to build your confidence. Your challenges can be small or large. For example, if you have been meaning to take up running, then put in place small challenges for yourself and conquer them. Make realistic goals for the distance you want to run each day. When you smash your goals be proud of yourself and try to go beyond your set goals. When you achieve the goals you have set for yourself you are telling yourself that you can achieve anything that you set your mind to. You are saying “I am capable” and this builds a beautiful confidence deep within you.
I can recall developing so much beautiful confidence within myself, I finally became confident and assertive in defending myself from people who used to put me down. One thing to remember is that when you are growing and transforming people that used to put you down may continue. However, you need to remind them how you want to be treated and continue building your confidence. You also need to ask yourself if these people should be apart of your life if they are always trying to hinder you and keep you caged. Surround yourself with people that encourage you, lift you up and praise you when you achieve great things because they are the best people to have around you when building confidence and throughout the rest of your confident life.
I could not resist putting in this beautiful quote from Marianne Williamson.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”
Be bold and be confident because when you reach a ripe old age you want to sit back and know that you lived with gusto! Don’t put off living a confident life, start living now.
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Sending you love and peace,