I was sitting in the sunshine with one of my girlfriends, absorbing the beautiful rays of sunshine. If you are like us, then days with your girlfriend can only mean one thing…Deep and Meaningful’s!
We got onto the subject of men…no surprises!
My girlfriend was telling me her worst relationship where she had an argument with her partner in their car and was forced to leave the car for fear of her safety.
The deep questions then started to unfold. My girlfriend asked me why women can go through some really toxic relationships. That is an easy answer for me now since I have been on a beautiful journey of self discovery and growth.
After going from one bad relationship to another I realised that I didn’t need to change where I met men. The change needed to start with me!
I explained to my girlfriend that when we constantly go from one bad relationship to another it is because we are in fact attracting that relationship into our lives.
We also got onto the subject of why men seem to hang around after the breakup and also how hard that is when we are trying to move on.
If you are going through a breakup and you are finding it difficult to release emotions and move on then read below and I will share 5 ways to help you through this time.
1. No Contact:
The best advice I received when going through breakups was to have no contact with your ex for 40 days! Having no contact with your ex allows you to emotionally disconnect in a healthy and loving way. It allows you to reconnect with yourself.
To have 40 days of no contact with your partner may seem challenging and that is the point, it is a great idea to set this challenge on your calendar and you can put a mark through each day that you get through! There is nothing better than seeing all those black crosses on the calendar. It will empower you and it is the best advice I ever received! I allowed myself to heal, reconnect with myself, rejuvenate and begin doing all of the things you don’t do when your in a relationship.
2. Get Obsessed!
Get obsessed about something (that isn’t your ex). Think of the things that you really wanted to do and didn’t because you were to preoccupied in your relationship? Starting yoga or meditation, joining a gym and getting that sexy bikini body back on track? Starting an art class to make incredible paintings to place around your home to replace the pictures of your ex?
For me, after a relationship I used to get obsessed with the gym, especially group fitness classes. The contact with others was great for me and being around like minded people was fantastic for keeping me focussed on something other than my ex.
3. Feel Through it!
It is important to realise that you are allowed to feel during your breakup. A breakup can bring on a roller coaster of emotions. I can recall during one breakup spending the day with a girlfriend, in the morning I was telling her how great I feel and that a burden has been lifted off my shoulders and within a couple of hours I was hit with another emotion of sadness and began crying. We started laughing because it feels as though you are about to make it, your head is just about to reach the surface and you are hit with another wave of emotions that knocks you back under the water.
It is normal to feel many different emotions throughout the day, even throughout the hour. Just remember that you are allowed to feel them and each emotion is normal.
If you can embrace the emotions now and go through the pain, then it will be easier to release the relationship, heal and move on ready for the love of your life ;)!
4. Get Clear, Was it that great?
Every girl goes through that feeling of, was it the right decision? “why did we even breakup, he is so amazing”. Don’t fall for it, it’s a trap! It is a natural way of our body and emotions telling us that we need to return to the relationship because the pain will then stop! So this is why I am going to ask you to write a letter listing all of the crazy stuff that went down in your relationship. Be honest with yourself, write down each comment that hurt you, write down each and every detail of what made the relationship unhealthy.
When you need clarity, return to the letter and read through it to remind yourself how damaging the relationship actually was.
5. Do some soul searching!
If the relationship was a negative relationship then it is time for you to think about how you may have attracted that person into your life. What limiting beliefs have you been telling yourself that have made you believe that is all you deserve?
Unfortunately the most beautiful, smart, funny, generous, kind and loving women seem to attract unlovely men! Why? Because, that is all they think they deserve! I am here to tell you that you deserve the BEST! You will get the best too, but only when you start realising that is what you deserve.
Friends can tell you how amazing and incredible you are and that you deserve a loyal, fun, loving, respectful relationship, however, if that is not what you believe to be true then you cannot hear or believe your friends. YOU need to believe you deserve the best. Begin your journey of loving yourself and reconnecting with yourself. Spend this time healing and having fun.
Go through the pain to get passed the pain. Embrace the roller coaster of emotions and be gentle and kind to yourself during this time. Keep busy by getting obsessed with amazing things that will bring you joy and that special glow back.
You are going to rock the world!