I began a beautiful journey of self discovery, healing and self love. Whilst on this journey I discovered that I was always attracting negative relationships into my life. I realised that each relationship I had been in was toxic, negative and did not bring out the best version of myself. I was living in a world of low self esteem, low confidence and I severely lacked self worth. I was attracting these toxic relationships into my life because that is all I thought I deserved.
Each man that I dated had a major flaw that I could not look past. I stayed in these relationships hoping to change them and their flaws. Sound familiar? You can not make any one change until they are willing to change. I spent a decade dating the wrong men and thought that I did not deserve a wonderful man that would love and adore me.
When I began loving myself and cherishing myself I began changing what type of people came into my life. Through my healing of the past, loving myself and forgiving I was able to attract the love of my life into my life. I have spent everyday loving him and the greatest part is, he loves me unconditionally and would do anything to make me happy, as I do for him.
I want to share with you how I went from negative soul destroying (very dramatic) relationships to manifesting love into my life.
How To End Your Negative Relationship Patterns…
It is so important to end the patterns that you have developed over the years. Identifying your patterns is the first step to understanding why it is you are attracting particular men or women into your life. Your life as it is right now is a reflection of the thoughts and beliefs you have been carrying around with you. For example, the woman who has high self esteem, loves and values herself and believes she deserves a great man will manifest love into her life. On the other hand, a woman who has low self esteem and does not know how valuable a person she is and does not believe for a second that she could have a wonderful man will not attract a wonderful man. She will be attracting the men that she believes she deserves because of her lack of self belief within herself.
What beliefs do you have?
What negative beliefs have you been carrying around with you that may have attracted negative relationships into your life? Were you told that you are not good enough? Do you have a belief that your friends deserve wonderful men, but they are not for you?
Once you identify your beliefs write down on a sheet of paper your new beliefs. Make your new beliefs positive, uplifting and encouraging. If one of your old beliefs was, “I am not pretty enough to deserve a great man that will love me unconditionally”, then your new belief will be “I am beautiful. I am loveable and I deserve to find someone that loves me unconditionally”.
You have been carrying around your negative beliefs all your life and if they have not been working for you then I suggest you try learning a new way. I wrote out my new positive beliefs and read them before bed each night and placed a copy near my bathroom mirror. Each time I brushed my teeth I would read over the positive beliefs. It is reinforcing new beliefs into your subconscious mind so that your life will be as abundant as you can imagine. By constantly referring to these new beliefs you are melting away the old negative beliefs.
Be honest and clear with yourself about your past relationships.
Speaking from experience I never wanted to admit to myself what types of men I had dated in the past. If I was honest with myself then I had to come clean about having such a low self esteem that I would allow such toxic and abusive relationships into my life. My honesty with myself allowed me to understand my patterns and this was how I first began ending my negative relationship patterns. I encourage you to sit quietly with yourself and be honest about each of your relationships, how they made you feel, what did you think was missing in the relationship. Be honest with yourself, were you settling? Do you think you could be in a more stable and loving relationship?
Why Loving Yourself Will Bring You Love…
When you start loving yourself, you begin allowing love into your life, and great love at that. Often when we hate ourselves we allow certain people into our life that support our self hatred. They may be abusive, they may lie and cheat or they may be generally a negative person. However, when you love yourself, you begin seeing yourself in your original state. What I mean by original state is, when we are babies we loved every part of ourselves, we marvelled at the miracle we were. We did not know how to hate, we learned to hate ourselves through media, friends and possibly even our parents.
“No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”
– Nelson Mandela.
When you begin to love yourself and fill your mind with words of praise, encouragement and treat yourself with respect then of course you will only manifest love into your life. Seeing yourself for who you truly are will not allow you to settle for negative, dull and mediocre relationships. You will be too busy shining brightly and attracting wonderful people into your world.
How To Love Yourself…
- Each night write down 3 things that you value about yourself. I wanted to think of myself more than my appearance so I wrote out values that were not in line with appearance. I really looked deep into my heart and found what made me so valuable.
- Repeat positive affirmations in your mind throughout the day. For 30 days I challenged myself to say “I love and approve of myself just as I am”. I said this over and over in my head. At first it sounded strange because I was so used to saying horrible things to myself. As the days went by, my mind became a safe and loving place.
- Begin mirror work, say to yourself in the mirror “I love you (your name)”. So I would wake up and say “I love you Leisa”. By completing mirror work you can not hide from what you are declaring to yourself, if you say “I love You” whilst looking into your own eyes as opposed to in your mind then it is so much more impacting and real. Yes, you may feel silly when you begin, however, I believe that mirror work is the foundation for healing and love. Give it a try.
How To Manifest Love…
I believe that you first need to love yourself, heal from old hurts and forgive before you can manifest love into your life. If we do not learn from old patterns and heal from old hurts then the cycle continues. After so many negative relationships I realised what I did not want so I started thinking of what I did want. Through my self belief that I was finally good enough, the sky was the limit for me. I believed that I deserved the best, and I want this for you too, because I have been manifesting not only love into my life, but my dream career and other beautiful things.
I wrote a letter to the universe and listed all the qualities my husband “has”. The letter was written in present tense because it is far more impacting than saying “I wish I had”, by saying “My husband Is” means you are confident of its arrival. You may not wish to get married, so instead use the correct wording for what type of relationship you hope for. My letter was very specific and I was as detailed as possible. The reason for this is because if you are asking for things and you are unclear in what your asking for then you will get unclear results. Write the letter and you can edit it as much as you like. Read over the letter with every opportunity you get, make copies of the letter and leave them in certain places where you will have the opportunity to read over it. For example, your handbag, pinned next to your bathroom mirror, on your bedside table.
I will be commencing an online program on this very topic, so if you want to go deeper then check it out on my “work with me” tab.
Leave a comment below and let me know how your progressing. I would love to hear from you.
Sending you love, healing and peace.